Happiness….
October 10, 2011
Happiness comes in many forms and sometimes in the most unexpected places.
I never mentioned that the new person in my life used to be a personal trainer, I never mentioned that from afar he has given me some advice on my goals. Having never mentioned that I guess I should say I asked for the advice, he didn’t just say hey your ass is droopy you should do some lunges! In less than 90 days I was able to reach my goals that were just out of reach. Happiness was taking a tape measure and seeing I have shaved 6 inches from my waist line. Happiness was realizing I can once again go braless and breastfeeding didn’t ruin my breasts. Happiness was stepping on the scale this morning for the first time in 30 days and seeing 139 flashing back at me! I haven’t weighed that since high school. Oh the joys of loosing over a 100 pounds. Happiness is knowing that someone is supporting me in my efforts to quit smoking and not gain weight in the process, week 3 baby! Happiness is someone reminding me how amazing and awesome I am daily. Happiness is for the very first time in my life someone calling me beautiful. Sure I have been called cute, hot, pretty, but never beautiful and to me beautiful encompasses the physical as well as the person you are. Happiness is someone saying I think you are beautiful and I love you just the way you are, I melted into a puddle.
Happiness is knowing that in less than two weeks I will be taking a vacation with someone who feels this way about me. Even if he doesn’t really and this is all just a game he is playing with my emotions, I feel pretty thankful that someone took the time to make me feel this way. I needed to be heard, to be listened to, to be made to feel special. God knows for the past five years I haven’t been made to feel that way. I am happy.
I am sad that the person isn’t the man I married. The man I vowed to love in sickness and in health. I do love that man, I always will, but he abused me verbally and physically. I see he is making changes. But I fear it is too late and I will in turn be the one that crushes him in the end of this mess.
