The Great Escape….
November 9, 2011
There was something so magical and carefree about forgetting all my cares and acting like I was single and had no children. I hoped on a plane with a guy that totally caused my inner spirit to burst into flames when I met him on July 15, 2011. I didn’t know where it would lead and I didn’t care, I was living in the moment and I was ready for what was coming.
In Reno
The amount of fun that I had and the way I felt in every fiber of my soul can not be described. I know he felt it too. 
His idea of tats to commemorate ourwonderful escape, so we would not forget what was shared. In drunken bliss we declared our love for one another. Then sobriety of the morning we were leaving hit. Everything changed. Everything got weird and strained. The ease of just being together vanished. He got scared. I got scared. He has asked for space. The girl in me can’t give space, I am rushing around trying all I know to make him see that I am a fabulous girl and beating myself up over what I did wrong. I cry at what has been so quickly snatched away. My heart hurts and I being an adulterous whore have no one to share this with and no one to comfort me. The saddest part is we are still “friends” we still talk, just not like we did. He doesn’t want me out of his life, nor do I want him out of mine. But it is all changed. There are walls and bars and chains around us both and my soul just wants to be next to his again like it was.
A) Remember what I told you last week? Not a whore. Whores get paid. C’mon….smile….you know it was funny
B) Remember what else I told you last week: I think he’s scared. He’s scared because he DOES see what a fabulous girl you are. You’re probably nothing like the girls he’s dated before. Scary stuff for a dude.
C) Him needing space is okay. You doing your best to respect that is the way to go. He just needs to also understand, and respect, that it is very hard for you; that it makes you scared. In my experience? The longer the time between working back to where we once were, the harder it is to get back there.
D) Two things will happen: either 1) the space he’s asked for will show him how much he misses/needs/wants you in his life or 2) the space he has asked for will show, both of you, that it isn’t what you thought; that you were caught up in a Summer Fling. You know my sitch…you know what I went through. You know how broken I was/still am at times. It showed me it just wasn’t meant to be. Eventually, sweetie, you may need to come around to this way of thinking. I know..I’m a bitch for saying it. But, I’m your friend and I will not blow smoke up your skirt (well…unless you want me to
).
E) You did NOTHING wrong. Stop placing blame on yourself; stop trying to figure out what you could’ve said or done differently. This is not your fault. Say it: Not. My. Fault. (sound familiar? Didn’t you tell me the same thing???) Not. Your. Fault. Dude is scared!
I love you very much. I’m sorry you’re hurting. I have been where you are. It sucks every second of everyday while you’re in it. For me, I would go about my day (of course, 1800 miles between us made that a little easier than being a handful of hours away) and be okay for a bit. I would turn a corner and BAM! It would punch me in the gut and I would want to cry all over again.
You have my number. You have my e-mail. You can call/text/e-mail or FB me anytime. ANYTIME!!
xoxo