Crystal Clear….
November 15, 2011
I have learned alot from my multitude of relationships and dealings with my heart. I have learned if you are not ready for the answers to questions to not ask them. If you can’t handle the truth don’t seek it out. Sometimes living in denial and looking through rose colored glasses is sweet pure bliss and it is all your little heart can handle. But I went against all that I know and I threw caution to the wind and I dove in head first never looking to see if there were jagged rocks that I would get crushed against and guess what, I got crushed. Stupid Stupid Stupid…The words that ring through my head.
Wednesday night. Supposed to see him Wednesday night. Things would go back to normal when I see him. He just needs to see me. Once he sees me all the stupid shit will melt away. Things will be normal again and he will see that this was all nonsense. Because why? I am just that fabulous.
No.
I asked about Wednesday. Yes I’ll be there, I’m gonna get you guys backstage its gonna be a blast!!! So am I still staying at your house? Deb, I told you we just need to be friends now. Is there someone else? *crickets* Hello? can you not answer me that? *crickets* We just need to be friends right now….Okay. Got it. Crystal Clear. You can’t say it, because you don’t want to hurt me. I’m fine, what we had is done. I’ve been foolishly twisting in limbo hanging on to something I thought was special. I’m done with that. I thought you were twisting too and you’s get over it. That wasn’t it at all. Doesn’t matter anymore. Done. We are just friends nothing more, Done. Period.
That was the conversation. Its clear. I asked because I could handle the truth. He dodged because he couldn’t handle saying it. It is done. I hurt inside. But on Wednesday night I will look smoking hot. I will have my boys in tow. I will dance with every hot guy there. I will not allow my little heart to show the pain I feel inside over done. I will be strong and I will not allow him the satisfaction of seeing that inside I am broken and that he broke me. I am waiting on telling him the rest of my news until I do not hurt so badly inside anymore. I need to be able to handle the reaction.
“the rest of your news”…
That doesn’t mean you’re pregnant, does it?
wouldn’t that be a kick to the chest
Gah! I had a feeling this was going to be the result. I hoped SO hard I was wrong. Hoped so hard I was just jaded given my own experience with my own slice of Texas.
Here’s what I say: guys are dumb. They claim to want someone as awesome as you and I are. In reality, they can’t handle chicks like us. We’re too effen cool for them! In my case, it was because I had a mouth and wasn’t the meek type to sit and be quiet (I tried that over the Summer…eww., Just…..EWW!!).
Also in my case, the “is there someone else” question was asked. I didn’t get an answer. Just the silent treatment for three weeks. I hate that these guys can’t be man enough to own their actions/decisions. I’d rather be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie. I’d prefer to be angry at the truth than hurt by the inability to man the eff up.
I’m sorry, Deb. I really am. I know how you’re feeling and it’s something I wouldn’t wish on anyone.